Thanks for the memories...

Life is a collection of the good and the bad. I wish I could keep it all. I feel like there are so many lost moments in my life. Exact emotions and feelings that I can never replicate. I want to remember every ounce of love I feel, every moment I feel alive, every fight I have with the people I love, every random act of kindness from the people that truly care about me, the tiny insignificant moments that touch you for just a second, friends and families reactions to life's highlights, every funny quip I ever spouted off, every time my friends make me laugh until my stomach hurts, those favorite songs that take you right back to a place from your past, the look in someones eyes when you know they truly love you, that feeling in the dark corner of your heart when you know something isn't right, that moment you know something good has to end, the faint whiff of a perfume you wore on a first date. I want to remember the first time Case told me he loved me. I want to remember the first time I held my baby sister. I want to remember the first time I realized I trust Nick with my life. I want to remember the first time I realized Samantha was/is my best friend. I want to remember the first time I was really depressed. I want to remember the look on my dad's face when I got the keys to my first house. I want to remember the first time I drove my own car. I want to remember how it feels to get your heart broken. How do you keep it all? These moments and memories are mine. Sometimes they are all you have left of a person or place. I think I'm trying so hard to push the crazies out of my mind, that I don't have enough energy left to accurately preserve all the times that mean the most to me. I try so hard to keep my shit together, that what I end up feeling is even more loss. I wish I could watch the video of my life, fast-forward through the bad times, and watch those amazing moments over and over again. What is the happiest moment in your life to date? Do you remember every single tiny little fact about that moment? Will you still in 10 years? What about when your all but at the end of your life? Shouldn't it be a right to keep the good times? Maybe wishing for all the memories is the best you can do.

If You Want Me To...

But if you want me to I’ll be the one for you
Maybe I can save your life
At times you’ve hated me, ain’t that how love should be
So just let me save your life

Don’t you know me
I’m helpless without you
I watched you sleep so I could dream of you

If you want me to I’ll be the one for you

-Omnisoul

Sister, Sister

So recently I have been getting along with my younger sister. She is seven years younger than me and my only sibling. Thus I had seven glorious years as a single and spoiled child only to have it all ripped away by a screaming brat. (I don't feel this way anymore, I swear!) My sister was a very sick little girl, looking back it makes me sad that I didn't really understand how important all the doctors, specialist, hospital visits, mom staying up all night with her and then sleeping all day were. I didn't care about her, I wanted my life back. (She ended up having several food allergies that we, and the doctors, were unaware of and apparently no one thought to check for. Chocolate, caffeine, wheat, gluten, refined sugar, replacement artificial sugar, citrus, highly acidic foods. She basically eats chicken and veggies. No tomatoes.) When I reached the age of no longer caring about any of the issues (approximately 14 years old) She was seven and wanted to do everything I did. WTF. Um last time I checked you were seven, yes count it up, seven years younger than me, so that would be a NO. What? Mom said you could?!?! Soooooo not fair! I have moved on from bitter exploits of my sisters life. We have grown closer over the last year or so. She is a human. Like a little adult that I actually get along with. We are friends. We read the same books and then discuss them. I'm the cool older sister with her own house to all her friends. We go out to the movies together. She comes to me with boy troubles. She asks my advice on fashion. She shares her secrets and dreams with me. I love it. I wish I would have appreciated my sister more growing up, but then again I might now appreciate what I have now so much. Who knows. All I know is I love my sister. To all the moms who worry about their kids hating each other and throwing punches over the remote. Give it time, they will understand. And to everyone that has siblings, appreciated the gift you have been given, it's a built in best friend. And to anyone that has estranged siblings that you still as adults don't get along with, nobody said you have to like em, just love em.

"Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life."
~Charles M. Schulz

Be Safe

I have recently finished the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. Holy freakin' cow. Best books I have ever read. Now that is no understatement. I'm positive that I have read nearing the 2,000 mark in novels alone. I love to read. Nothing is better on a gloomy day that my comfy bed and a good book. Emphasis on good. Literature is like clothing. It has to fit, feel good, you have to want to go back to it again, you can't wait till the author/designers next creation comes out. I hardly consider them 4 separate novels, the story is simply one epic tale that I will be re-reading until the end of time. Edward and Bella have the kind of love that bridges centuries. I believe there is no exaggeration to the statement that Bella and Edward are going to be the next Romeo and Juliet. It's all there. Fantasy, love, hate, family issues, self sacrifice, bravery, romance, engrossing plot twists, and a little sparkle of something I can't explain. I read over 3,000 pages in 6 days. I literally had to tear myself away to go to work! I cried when I finished them. I've tried reading a different book since I finished, I keep expecting Edward to come walking into the scene to no avail. I fell in love with the characters. They are so dynamic and developed, with so little effort. You don't feel as though she is forcing information on you, you just hunger for more! The story made me remember how amazing true love is. That it honestly can conquer all. I have been through a lot and had all but lost faith in my happy ending. I fell in love when I read these books. I like my men cold, dead, and sparkly. I want Edward. Now, to explain myself, I'm hardly a New York Times Best Sellers List kind of girl. I love the random barley published novels that you find at flea markets and on the bargain table at the book seller. Twilight has been coming out for 2 years now. Why did it take me so long to read them? I blew them off. Another bullshit series hyped up by the media and publishing market. Until finally my younger sister wanted to read them. (She is only 14 and these books are about Vampires. Beautiful, immortal, strong, and murderous Vampires.) I decided to read the first book to see if it was appropriate for her age group. I finished it in a day. I literally drove to my favorite book store (The Stately Raven, Findlay OH... Check it out!) and devoured the next 3 books concurrently. She is currently deep into the second one and we have plans to see the first movie at the midnight premier. These books have a following like none other. Millions of people, teens, adults, men, and women love them. They have been translated into 22 different languages. Whew. Sooo I guess what I'm saying is, read the damn books! And prepare to thank me for recommending the best story ever told.
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb." - Edward Cullen

My New Crack

Sorry for the absence. I have spent the last 5 days buried in the Twilight books. I'm on the fourth and final one. Over 2,000 pages in 5 days. They are my crack! I can't put them down! I love Edward and Bella.