Gangster's Paradise

Setting: My apartment
Offense: The ex-boyfriend phone call
OMFG. Men! I have been separated from this man for over a year. I was/am madly in love with him. And he knows it. (Bastard! I should be able to conceal it better!!!) I to this day am convinced in some twisted realm that we are meant to be. I would marry him tomorrow if the universe allowed. Family life, school (or lack there of), alcohol, drugs, dumb motherfuckin whore ass sisters (eh em.), football (yes, it is that important), money (also, lack there of), distance (I went "far far away." aka: 3 hours), and whole slew of other bullshit in our combined life met our demise. However, that doesn't mean we both weren't broken hearted. Attempting to move on from him has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Period. I miss him. I love him. Before, so many things were holding us back. Now, there is nothing. I'm not in school, I could give two shits less about leaving my jobs, I am on month to month lease now, he is making enough money to support us, the before mentioned dumb motherfuckin whore ass sister has been removed from the picture. (No, I didn't order a mob hit, but I fucking should have!) I want him back. I want the life that we always planned together. A house, nice things, a family, an English Bulldog, good friends, an amazing city, and most of all each other. We love each other. He knows it and I know it. Why the fuck is he dating PROM QUEEN!?!?!?!?!? Yes, a high school er. A Senior, but still a child none the less. A child that has raging jealousy issues with him even talking to me. I know that he realizes that we could be happy again. He has said it to me. However, he is happy with said Prom Queen. (She had really bad hair, too much make-up, and a stupid coat.) My theory: DUH he is happy with her. All the stress that was in our relationship is gone. No drinking, drugs, he has money, he shit canned his family. Hello! Any relationship is going to be happy after all that bullshit. He is scared to leave her because he knows that our track record isn't the best. (I want this to work this time!!!) I never gave up hope. Until last night when he called me. Gangster's Paradise ringing out in my living room. I freeze. I know what that song means. He said all the things I wanted to hear. He still loves me, he thinks that if things would have been different we would still be together, he knows I still love him, bla fucking bla. Here is where my stomach got ripped out of me. Said Prom Queen is a fucking snoop, so he makes the comment that he will have to delete the call from his phone or she will flip out. My reply runs along the lines of "She should probably grow the fuck up and deal with the fact that we are going to be close." And ladies and gentleman here it comes. "I know, I keep telling her that if I wanted to be with her I would be." Death. Blood. Heart Crying. Fuckin A! So did he just tell me that he knows I'm willing to give it another go but he doesn't want to. I was silent. I cried alot after the phone call ended I didn't sleep. I colored my hair at 2am. Got up for work 2 hours early. I love him. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! I hate life. I hate him. I wish it was all that simple. I'm gonna go listen to some Coolio and cry.