Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Bitter and Angry
I wish I remembered how to be happy. I'm just so angry and bitter anymore. I'm angry at my best friend. (Home for 3 weeks and I saw you twice.. That is a fucking DICK move!) I'm angry at my ex-boyfriend. (He is so immature and it makes shit so complicated.) I'm angry that I will always love him. I'm angry at work. (I hate being so fucking fake and happy all the god damn time. I just want to fucking yell. Make someone cry! Fuck!) I'm angry at my family. (I swear to god one of these days I'm just gonna snap and tell them all to Fuck OFF.) I'm angry that my karma is lagging. (As much as a bitch as I sound I really am a good person. Today for example, I found out that one of my residents at the nursing home that work at, loves to paint but she can't do it anymore. So I brought her in Watercolor pencils and the correct paper and did an art lesson with her. Off the clock. Because she is a nice lady and deserves it. I'm a nice lady and I deserve for life not to suck so fucking much!) I'm angry that life seems to be so hard for me when everyone else just sails right by getting hand outs. I'm angry I'm not having sex. I'm angry that I don't get to see my best friend. I'm angry that I miss the drugs. I'm angry that Bon Jovi went country. I'm angry that Barak Obama is winning the race for the presidency. I'm angry that 18 year old men (fucking babies!) are loosing their lives in this war. I'm angry that gas is $4.00 a fucking gallon. I'm angry at God for routing my life this way. I'm angry that I have to feel so much pain. I'm angry that I can't sleep. (Fucking Boogie Man.) I'm angry that I'm depressed. I'm angry that I drink. I'm angry that I can't stop crying. I'm angry that whatever I do never seems good enough. Almost there, I can see it, I can smell it. NO FUCKING WAY! Denied. I suck. End of story. I have become a bitter and angry old woman at the ripe old age of 20.
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3 comments:
This kind of goes with my I am tired of...blog.
That's what sucks about loving someone though, you may always love them, but it takes forever for it not to hurt.
There is kid I used to work with (well, he was 18, I was in my twenties) that I made cry quite a few times. Made him cry so hard one time, he puked. He was a little schmuck.
Family sucks. I'd love to tell most of my to fuck off as well.
Bon Jovi should have NEVER gone country. I saw him at his last tour in Cleveland it was great because he was still rock...
I don't think our troops need to be where they are and gas at $4 a gallon sucks (especially since I am driving to NY in two weeks).
I don't know you, but I think if I did, we'd be good friends. My best friend tells me that I've become angry and hateful since my lazy bitch of a sister moved into me..and it sucks that it is the truth.
p.s. your best friend is a dick for not seeing you more than twice.
I don't know you, but I saw that you commented on my blog. And I just read this one... and I don't know really a lot about you, but I think you are just going through a rough patch. Life is a rollercoaster, it has its ups and downs. Without the downs the ups wouldn't feel so great. I hope things get better!
♥
Hey Andie, life is rough......i know things have been extremely hard for you but one thing that has helped me through things is focusing on the positive side of things because if you dread on the bad it seems like things only get worse.....honestly i don't know what Casey is thinking, if two people love each other things always work out.....it might never be easy but it's worth it isn't it? to be with the one you love....and if he's not willing to make it work and to keep you upset like this, i think you deserve much better....love you
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