Down The Only Road I've Ever Known

Sometimes I wonder why things happen they way they do. Why did I have to go through all that? Why did it have to hurt so bad. I care too much. But maybe that's the problem with the world now. No one cares enough. I didn't "think" about him everyday. I "worried" about him everyday. That is no way to live. I want life to be simple and happy. Sometimes you have to work at it and fight for the important things, but in all reality it should be enjoyable. The day to day life with another person should be simply happy. Be there for each other. Look out for each other. Support each other. Be proud of each other. Tell each other everything. Share a life. Be best friends. Be in love. The kind of love that is easy. The kind of love that you wake up each day and say to yourself, "I'm happy with him. We are content." My parents are perfect. (Clearly they aren't perfect, but the relationship is damn close.) There is nothing wrong with a relationship if it doesn't have the "passion". First of all, that shit is over rated. Second of all, you have to be a romanticised person to be that passionate. Any shred of reality and common sense destroys it. (God forbid we be functional human beings in a functional relationship!) Maybe I can do this. Maybe I could go away for 6 years. New places and new faces. It could be exactly what I need and never wanted. Just maybe, if I would have considered it, instead of simply stating that it wasn't going to happen. Just maybe I do love him. Just maybe it was right in front of me all along. Just maybe we need each other in the best of ways. Then again, maybe I needed to realized that the last guy needed me and I didn't need him, before I could realize who I really do need. I should have seen the writing on the wall. Literally. On the mother fucking wall. I went to see the Sex and the City Movie w/ my mom. All I could think about was my ex-boyfriend. The misery of it all. Then we went to eat. We got sat at the only table in the whole damn place with a fucking _____ picture on the wall. Then my song played. The song he picked for me. (Not the ex, but the one that was right in front of me...) Are you kidding me? If there is a God he was jumping up and down getting pissed that I wasn't seeing his not so sudel signs. Life has a funny way of making sense every once in a while. Uncanny how it's at the worst moments. Could it be love? Could it be right? Could we be happy? Is that what he wants? Is that what I want? How do I tell him? Do I tell him? Dammit. Here we go again.